I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
