Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
