I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
