Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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