bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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