where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
