i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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