Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
