Christians are straight up FREAKS
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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