its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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