oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
