i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize