The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
