he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
