They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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