you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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