I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
