Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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