I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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