I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
