May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
