if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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