I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
