If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
