So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
why does every cop we meet know your name?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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