I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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