I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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