mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
