one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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