Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He felt like a one man threesome
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
