There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
