I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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