dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
