I'm really into asian looking animals
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
