Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
