im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
