omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
