You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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