My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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