There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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