Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
