Dual....:-)
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
