the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
