I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
time to smoke my breakfast
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
