are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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