You don't have asthma, your pregnant
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
