Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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