where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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