What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
