areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
