I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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