she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
