Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
