you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
