I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
