My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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