Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
