Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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