you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
