Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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