peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
