help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The beer is more important than you right now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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