John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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