I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
