What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
