i permit you to call me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
