I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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