I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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