Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
