I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
