I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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