Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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