THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
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