How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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