she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
