Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
